Damn it, Adam! German citizenship and immigration services

Well, I was thinking that I am a Germonkey, because I live in Germany. Also, I was thinking that my aquagenic urticaria, also known as water allergy, was making me entirely German because I cannot shower. I take shower very very seldom. Only if I was on the beach.

 Then I take a shower.

 And need long time to dry.

 And then, I am tired and go to sleep.

But, back to my story... I found a simple guideline published by Adam Fletcher according to which the German citizenship and immigration services detect non-Germans:

So,  I cannot be Germonkey because I dont fit in! None of these 10 things I can fulfill!!!
Damn it Adam! Now, I have to deal with the German citizenship and immigration services!!! Do you know, how hard my life will get know??? Any idea, what have you done to me???