How to move on

Well, if I knew a good and painless way, I would share. Things in life are never black and white and if you are thinking too much about it, you will stick in the past. Or in hopes that things will change. But be realistic. They won't. Realizing this, will help you to forget the good things that you think you've lost. They are the ones that still bound you to the past. Like my mother says, I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Last year, I loved someone with my whole heart. In the way that only the naive can love.

It made me sad and sick. It made me different. More I cared for the one I loved, less I cared for myself. The way I loved made me weak. I realized that the one I love did not loved me. That the one I loved never put a single effort to make things work. That the one I loved never cared how I felt. That the one I loved was not able to feel the way I felt. Was not able to forgive and be gentle the way I was. I did not deserved this. To put myself down, to lose the faith in love, to do things when you feel it's wrong only not to hurt him.

One day I asked myself - do I really with all my monkey intelligence think that I deserve this - someone who does not care for me and I care for. No, I did not. So, I pushed him away with everything I could. I wanted to free myself. And I did. Good decision. Wrong decision to give him chances to come back. I'm guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve but when I'm done, I'm done.

So, what is my advice from my monkey experience. Don't think it. Don't try to give a chance to someone who did not show you that he deserves it. Life is short and sometimes in life you don't get more chances. And you lose inevitable the people and things you cannot appreciate, because you never put efforts to win them overand to keep them.

Don't try to close your heart, live through the pain you feel and breath. Breath deeply. You can't close your heart forever. And that is not the purpose of life. With every day it will get better. And the minute you are ready to open it up, you never know what's going to come in. But when it does, you just have to go for it! Because if you don't, there's not point in being here.

And don't block your feelings. They are there to feel them. If you still love that's good. Just realize how wonderful and lovable you are if you are able to love. We mostly love not because the ones we love are perfect or good, but because we in ourselves are able to love. And if someone did not love you back is just because he is unable to do so. You can't change it. Accept it. Forgive and do not blame. You made his life better. You made your life better.

And true love is always mutual. I might be bit selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. Never forget that.

So, how to move on? Just accept that you did all the things that depended on you. You gave the chances you could. You tried to correct the mistakes you did. You showed your love. If nothing came back, there is nothing you can do about. And remember, life is short and it is better to spend it with people who love you and show it to you everyday, instead to waste it to win over someone who will never be there for you.